He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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