i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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