I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize