I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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