he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
