physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
