I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
