Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
