you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
