Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
