My sheets look like a crime scene.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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