You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She bit a glass in half.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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