in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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