i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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