clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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