Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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