Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize