Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
