I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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