I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
