I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
