My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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