in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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