i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
