I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
