We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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