apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
