My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
