I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
