Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
