I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
