I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
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I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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