she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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