Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
