how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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