I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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