Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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