Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
