I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
