My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you never un-have a 4some
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
