That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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