You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
