and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
