My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
