I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's never too late to be topless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
