Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize