Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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