I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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