I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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