then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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