im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
