Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
