bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
