Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
