I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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