God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
