i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
