im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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