dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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