i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
